Ralphie Parker, 9, was determined to get a Red Ryder BB Gun in the film "A Christmas Story." He made it known to his parents, his teacher and even to Santa Claus.

Their response? "You'll shoot your eye out."

Anti-Nagging Tips | Our Family Section

After much toiling, Ralphie got the toy -- and came close to shooting his eye out.

He begged and got what he wanted. Real children and teens often employ the same tactic, thinking if they ask enough times, they will get whatever they want.

Does it work?

Naggers Need Help

The process won't stop when weary parents cave in.

"It is a natural instinct that kids have to try and get what they want. They do this by looking at parents' cues and seeing what gets them what they want," said Anne Leedom, editor-in-chief and founder of ParentingBookmark.com, in an e-mail interview.

Once nagging behavior gets rooted at a young age, it can be a tough habit to break.

"Nagging begins as a child's experiment in communication Â… Parent(s') responses determine whether the child learns that nagging is effective or futile," said Karin Deerwester of Family Time Coaching and Consulting, in an e-mail interview.

She said that when nagging starts, parents should stay as calm as possible and try not to emotionally engage the situation.

Leedom suggested that parents tell children to ask calmly for what they need before hitting a meltdown and teach them how to express difficult emotions such as anger and frustration.

"There are two aspects to this. The first is that nagging occurs most often when kids are not getting their needs met. They are tired, hungry, bored, overstimulated, etc. So, it is crucial (parents) are drawing a firm line between what is appropriate and what is not," she said. "When parents get tired (and) their own needs are not met, they give in to their kids' ongoing demands, and that is what fosters the nagging."

Leedom said if the behavior is left unchecked, children learn to get what they want through manipulation and that it won't help in terms of being liked and successful later in life.

Leedom recommended parents instill a new behavior in their children so they know how to get what they want. She said parents should make sure children know what kind of behavior they expect, talk about it all the time and point out what other kids are doing that is good instead of waiting until the bad behavior shows up.

You Against The Advertiser

But nagging isn't just a young child's game. The tough preteen years -- fed by clever marketing -- set the stage for a battle.

Carleton Kendrick, a therapist and author of "Take Out Your Nose Ring, Honey, We're Going to Grandma's," said social research shows that children who are most desperately nagging are those in the 12- to 13-year-old age group, because they are most in need of acceptance and establishing themselves among their peers.

Kendrick said the "nag factor" is a marketing term that describes trying to get children to bother parents to buy them something after seeing a commercial. He said that in 2001, the nag factor influenced an estimated $300 billion in sales -- $4,000 per nagging child per year.

"This pester power is extraordinary, and you're up against a multibillion-dollar industry, and parents better realize this," he said.

For example, shoppers find children's cereal at a lower eye level in a supermarket aisle as a way to appeal to young people.

"It's really hard to prevent the nag factor, unfortunately. It's like blaming the victim," Kendrick said.

He said he has noticed in his psychology practice that parents complain that their children hammer them by incessantly asking for high-priced items.

"I've had parents tell me that their children have been pestering them because the car should have a built-in DVD player," he said. "There you have a kid who's 5 weighing in heavily on Â… the traveling condo as I call them."

Kendrick said he thinks it's sinister for advertisers to push children into spending millions of dollars to feel good about themselves.

"It has to do with the battle over the soul of your children. It's you against the advertiser," he said.

He suggested parents tone down the messages children get from TV commercials by muting the ads and going over them with their children so they understand what the advertiser is trying to do.

From a new toy at age 2 to a new car at age 16, where does nagging stop?

"It takes two to play the nagging game. If the parent removes themselves from the dynamic, nagging loses its power," Drewster said. "Keep in mind, however, if the parent has been reinforcing the nagging, the child won't believe the parent really means what they're saying this time. So, nagging or other attention-getting behavior will escalate before it subsides. Be prepared." Other Links:

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