COMING SOON:

COMING SOON:
Watch Trailers To 'New Moon,' More

°

Homepage / Family
Text Size

My Boyfriend Won't Fire His Housekeeper

Long Distance Woman Worries About Hired Help

DoubleTake advice column
    Dear DoubleTake,

    I was in a long-distance relationship for 10 years. He has always had an assistant and maids and two years ago hired a housekeeper.

    She is married and has no children, and moved into his house to live. Her husband stays in another city. When I asked if she misses her husband, she said, "No, it's OK to see him two or three days."

    This was after she had been away for three weeks.

    My man couldn't stop talking about her and what a great housekeeper she is. He talks like someone in high school who has a new girlfriend or boyfriend. The housekeeper ate at the table, which none of the employees ever did.

    When I confronted him about what I observed he told me I was making something out of nothing, and that if it it bothered me he would let her go.

    We continued our visits once or twice a month. However, he became distant, there was no more intimacy. There was not the verbal communication. He had a heart attack, but I was told I didn't need to come.

    Months later, he told me I made something out of nothing and there was no way he would fire her because of something I thought was happening. My options are to deal with it or not have the relationship.

    Am I reading too much into this?

BETTY SAYS:

This decade-old mutual agreement smells moldy. Are you sure that it's still working for you?

The housekeeper is indeed fulfilling needs in his life. She cooks his meals, washes his clothes and is his caretaker and companion. But you can't provide these simple pleasures because you're not around.

What you both seem to enjoy about this relationship is the massive personal space. Therefore, you can't force him to fire the housekeeper -- it's a deal breaker. If you really want to become the mistress of the house, tell him you'd like to get engaged. After you marry and move in, you'll have some saying power to excuse her -- and then you can do the chores yourself.

Either follow the ground rules and deal with his choices, or fess up that all this traveling is wearing you out.

EDDIE SAYS:

I do not know what you think of the relationship, but clearly he thinks you have a great deal of autonomy, as Betty noted. And you did not say that this is an exclusive relationship, so even if something is going on beyond the employment contract, it's not really any of your business.

If you want it to be, you can push for that. He can tell you it's too much intrusion.

In fact, he has done that.

I doubt at this point you can do much to change things. But the ball is in your court. For your own sanity and the sake of the relationship, you have to pick a road. Fight over this and see if you can get your way and maybe salvage things. Or decide to not let it bother you and continue as things are.

But if you hope to continue on with this always nagging at you, at least two of you are going to be miserable for a while.

  • Disagree With Double Take? Offer Your Own Advice

    • Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

    E-mail questions to doubletake@ibsys.com. A new column is published every other Tuesday.

    To be considered for publication, please keep letters to fewer than 300 words. If you feel more background information is needed, consider adding it as a postscript. Because of the volume of the mail received, Eddie and Betty offer advice only to the letters that are chosen for publication.

    Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.     Double Take Archive:
    More Advice ...

    Copyright 2009, Internet Broadcasting. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
    The story My Boyfriend Won't Fire His Housekeeper is provided by LifeWhile.

    The views expressed are not those of clickorlando.com, WKMG or its affiliated companies. This is a community moderated forum. (Please note the 'Like' and 'Report' tabs.) By posting your comments you agree to accept our Terms of Use.

    Comments

    blog comments powered by Disqus

    Sponsored Links

    Links We Like
    Sponsored Content
    Don’t believe everything people tell you about home improvement. Check out the top 4 myths and stop throwing away your money. More

    If you have aspirations of becoming a millionaire, check out these five habits that may be worth emulating. More

    Jillian Michaels of TV’s Biggest Loser has a diet and fitness plan to help you burn fat faster and stay in shape. MoreClick Here

    Find out exactly what Medicare covers with our easy-to-use Medicare coverage tool. More

    Severe Weather
    Affected Counties

    Most Popular

    Marketplace

    • AutoClick to Expand

    • JobsClick to Expand

      • Six Answers Interviewers Need To Hire You

        During the typical job interview, you'll be asked a lot of questions. But do you really understand what the interviewer needs to know?

      • Guide To Negotiating A Great Salary

        You can start laying the groundwork for your salary negotiation even before the first interview. Here's a step-by-step guide.

      • Should You Say Yes To A Buyout?

        In today’s economy, the lure of a big-bucks buyout can be tempting, but before you say yes, take the time to understand what it will mean for you.

      • Ten Rules For Interviewing

        In the current job market, you'd better have your act together, or you won't stand a chance. Check yourself on these 10 basic points before your next interview.

    • WomenClick to Expand

      • Healthy Living In Your 40s

        Your guide to looking and feeling your best.

      • Manage Stress, Find Balance

        The idea of living a balanced life may seem like an oxymoron. Yet working toward balance and self-care is key to feeling in control and more joyful at home and work.

      • Weight & Exercise: The Right Mix

        Being healthy is related to how well you take care of yourself. But it’s never too late! A woman can learn new, healthy habits at any age.

    • InsuranceClick to Expand

      • Auto Insurance Quotes

        Simply enter your zip code and get great deals on your car insurance from the top companies. Click here and start saving today!

      • Health Insurance Quotes

        No matter where you live, you shouldn’t have to pay too much for health insurance. Your zip code is all you need and we’ll do the rest to find you great insurance rates.

      • Home Insurance Quotes

        Your home is your most valuable asset. So make sure you have coverage that fits your needs and doesn’t break the bank.

      • Life Insurance Quotes

        What would happen to your family if you were suddenly gone? Don’t leave their future to chance and find top quality life insurance before it’s too late.

      • Business Insurance Quotes

        Don’t take chances when it comes to insuring your business. To get the best rates from top companies in your area just enter your zip code.

    • HomesClick to Expand
    Set as Homepage | Back To Top | Search
      Partners:     washingtonpost.com   CBS   News Over Wireless
    ©2009, Internet Broadcasting Systems, Inc.

    Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy  |  Terms of Use  |  Advertising  |  Microsoft MapPoint Terms of Use  |  Microsoft Privacy Statement  |  Site Map