PICS OF DAY:

PICS OF DAY:
Models Take Over Times Square

°

Homepage / Family
Text Size

41-Year-Old Woman Can't Keep 23-Year-Old Man

Guy Won't Tell His Parents About Relationship

POSTED: Tuesday, June 30, 2009
UPDATED: 5:26 pm EDT June 30, 2009

    Dear DoubleTake,

    I'm 41, a divorced mom, a professional. I am independent, self-reliant and get along fine with my ex and his wife. I work hard and avoid drama.

    I've been seeing a guy for nearly a year and a half. He has met my kids, but only a few times. It was G-rated -- kids movies and Wii. No sleepovers when the kids are home. We're really good friends with the added bonus of being passionate and wildly attracted to each other.

    Things go great for a couple of months and, although we don't fight, one of us decides to take a break. We've both done it. Then a few weeks later we miss each other and start seeing each other again until the whole cycle repeats. Here is why: He's 23 years old.

    He tells me how he appreciates me so much more than girls his age and all of his friends, colleagues and even his boss know about me. My family knows.

    But he doesn't consider this a real relationship because he doesn't want his family to know. They are extremely conservative and wouldn't approve.

    I honestly believe he loves me, but the longer we go on, the more painful a presumed end becomes. I think it could be a real relationship, but he doesn't want to give it a chance because of his parents. It's hard to be in limbo, and I don't know what position to take. Should I just leave well enough alone and let it run its course?

BETTY SAYS:

Ageism is such a drag. Your guy is making it sound like his parents will be blamed for the eventual downfall of this relationship, when in reality he just has commitment problems. Not introducing you to his family because of who you are is insulting.

I think he is in this for the companionship. It's up to you whether you want to pursue the attraction on a casual level, or end it because it will never fully blossom into a true relationship.

The on-and-off cycle will keep going until one of you meets someone else. Decide if you want to keep it breezy with the 23-year-old, or if a man wanting long-term commitment is more your style.

And even if the attraction fizzles out, you can still remain friends with your guy.

EDDIE SAYS:

Trying not to say "the R word" doesn't make this not a real relationship. It just makes it one with a very small chance of becoming something with a wedding at the end of it.

It sounds like that is something you want, even though you probably realize there would be complications getting hitched to someone that much younger. People can make it work, it just adds another layer of issues to contemplate.

So, it might be best for you to decide what you really need moving forward. What can you accept to stay with things? Maybe he needs to say that he wants to marry you someday. Maybe he needs to introduce you to his parents (who may just be a convenient excuse anyhow). Maybe you need to make a pact that if you ever break up again, that will really, truly be the end of it.

Regardless, you -- just you, not you and he -- need to think about a minimum that you can tolerate. Talk with him, see if he can deal with those conditions. If he can, great. If not, you have to be willing to make a break so you can find someone and something that gives you what you need.

Being friends may be great, but people who cycle back and forth like you have probably can't make the transition without a good long time apart and out of contact first.

  • Disagree With Double Take? Offer Your Own Advice

  • Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

    E-mail questions to doubletake@ibsys.com. A new column is published every other Tuesday.

    To be considered for publication, please keep letters to fewer than 300 words. If you feel more background information is needed, consider adding it as a postscript. Because of the volume of the mail received, Eddie and Betty offer advice only to the letters that are chosen for publication.

    Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.
    Double Take Archive:
    More Advice ...
    The views expressed are not those of clickorlando.com, WKMG or its affiliated companies. This is a community moderated forum. (Please note the 'Like' and 'Report' tabs.) By posting your comments you agree to accept our Terms of Use.

    Comments

    blog comments powered by Disqus

    Sponsored Links

    Links We Like

    Sponsored Content
    In the workplace it’s the little things that get you noticed and help you stand out above the rest. Do these things and increase your chances for a promotion. More

    If your credit is shabby, you'll need to shore up your score to convince a lender you're worthy. Here's how to boost your point total. More

    Everyone is trying to save a little cash these days, and one way to do it is by having an easy to insure car. Check out 20 cars that can save you money. More

    Though stress does not cause irritable bowel syndrome, it can trigger or intensify your symptoms. Learn more to help manage your IBS. More

    Most Popular

    Marketplace

    • AutoClick to Expand

    • JobsClick to Expand

      • 7 Killer Cover Letter Mistakes

        Don’t ruin your chances of landing that new job by making easy to correct mistakes on your cover letter.

      • Why Having Fun At Work Matters

        If people are having fun, they’re going to work harder, stay longer, maintain their composure in a crisis and take better care of the organization.

      • Ten Tips To Boost Your Interview IQ

        Interviewing is a learned skill, and there are no second chances to make a great first impression. So study these 10 strategies to enhance your interview IQ.

      • Learn How To Deal With Pay Cuts

        If you’re about to take a pay cut, find out how you can go about dealing with it and stay proactive about your salary.

    • WomenClick to Expand

      • Healthy Living In Your 40s

        Your guide to looking and feeling your best.

      • Manage Stress, Find Balance

        The idea of living a balanced life may seem like an oxymoron. Yet working toward balance and self-care is key to feeling in control and more joyful at home and work.

      • Weight & Exercise: The Right Mix

        Being healthy is related to how well you take care of yourself. But it’s never too late! A woman can learn new, healthy habits at any age.

    • InsuranceClick to Expand

      • Auto Insurance Quotes

        Simply enter your zip code and get great deals on your car insurance from the top companies. Click here and start saving today!

      • Health Insurance Quotes

        No matter where you live, you shouldn’t have to pay too much for health insurance. Your zip code is all you need and we’ll do the rest to find you great insurance rates.

      • Home Insurance Quotes

        Your home is your most valuable asset. So make sure you have coverage that fits your needs and doesn’t break the bank.

      • Life Insurance Quotes

        What would happen to your family if you were suddenly gone? Don’t leave their future to chance and find top quality life insurance before it’s too late.

      • Business Insurance Quotes

        Don’t take chances when it comes to insuring your business. To get the best rates from top companies in your area just enter your zip code.

    • HomesClick to Expand