Me Time

Now that we're a little more than three months into the new year, I'm wondering how your New Year's resolutions are going.  Are you super skinny and organized now?  I do hope so.

I don't typically make resolutions.  I've pretty much accepted that, for the most part, I am what I am.  I've been roughly the same weight for two years, give or take 5 pounds.  When I creep to the upper limits of that 5-pound window, be it January or July, I have a procedure.  

First, I run in a circle screaming.  Then I text all my weight-conscious friends with the number in question, along with all the possible reasons for the gain (sugar, which is totally the devil, but such a delicious evil force).

And finally, after answering viewer email asking if I'm pregnant ("Yes, but I'm actually expecting a burrito, not a bambino.  I'm registered at Chipotle."), I simply lock down the carbs, eat like humans are designed to eat, and, within a week or so, I blissfully return to my happy place.

So I don't necessarily think of this as a resolution, but this year I decided to enjoy more adult time.  I'm a single parent who works unusual hours, so this isn't quite as easy as it sounds.

But after my first child-free, work-free weekend in nearly three years, I decided to book more me time.

This is how I spent 48 hours of Adult Fun:

Friday Noon-Kiss Mini Me Goodbye.  Assure her I still love her and will return soon.  She plays with babysitter's dog and shoos me out the door.

Friday 2 p.m.-Arrive at Handsome Gay Boyfriend's (HGB) condo.  Admire candles and other dangerous objects on coffee table.

Friday 7 p.m.-Request blanket on couch.  Instead HGB's partner gives me a cup of coffee.

Friday 11:20 p.m.-Fall asleep at table in restaurant.

Saturday 9 a.m.-Peacefully awaken without help of alarm clock or small blonde person.

Saturday 11 a.m.-Enjoy brunch without kid's menu.  

Saturday 1 p.m.-5 p.m.  Read trashy magazines on couch.  Nap.  Repeat.

Saturday 11:30 p.m.-Watch SNL live, as the universe and Justin Timberlake intended.  Notice how much clearer picture looks without small handprints and butter on screen.

Sunday 10 a.m.-Enjoy long bath.  Soak in the nice sensation of warm water.  Do not miss pain caused by stepping on plastic Dora Mermaid doll.

Sunday 1 p.m.-Visit old friend at his new childless condo.

Sunday 1:30 p.m.-Enviously touch said friend's point art.  Ask to use bathroom.  Peek into shower.  Shed a tear over shiny black tile.  Note that it looks slippery and dangerous.

Sunday 2:00 p.m. -Say goodbye to Pointy-Art Loving friend.  Descend his short stairway.  Lack of safety gate simultaneously delights and terrifies me.

Sunday 5:00 p.m.  Return home to Mini Me.  Look at giant play kitchen in dining room.  Silently curse fabulous condos and toddler-slicing art of my friends.

Sunday 5:15 p.m..-Snuggle Mini Me.  Watch in horror as Greek yogurt tumbles in what seem like slow motion onto purple couch

Sunday 6:00 p.m.- Mini Me presents me with this.  Look!  Her tiny princess feet are a butterfly!