Since a lot of my Facebook friends are not parents, they don’t quite get my love of the Blue Wiggle.
Here’s what parents know that non-parents haven’t yet learned:
Sleep deprivation and exhaustion are the beer goggles of parenthood.
I didn’t work for the first 10 months of my daughter’s life. Since my co-parent had a “real job,” he went off to every day, and I took on about 99.3 percent of the nighttime duty. So imagine a life where you really don’t have much adult contact during the day, with the exception of a few mom friends who are as zombie-like as you are.
“Yeah, let’s meet at Millenia. The Macy’s lounge is really comfortable, so when one of us starts hormonally crying over being fat, we can go sit in there.”
So you spend your day going to play groups and making macaroni art, then the sun goes down. That’s when the rest of the world drifts off to sleep. You snooze a few hours (if you’re lucky) before your small boss demands to be fed. When my daughter was about 15 months old, she went through a nine-week phase (not that I counted), where she would only sleep in sporadic bursts on me in a recliner. I’m so embarrassed that you now know I used to have a recliner. It was brown and really ugly.
Anyway, during those long nights, the “Kids-On-Demand” channel became my savior. The Mini Me would actually happily watch the Wiggles. She would clap and bob her little sleepless head along to the music, while my mind would wander, in awe of these singing, dancing baby-soothing gods.
“I really admire a man who can wear skinny pants and a mock turtleneck.”
“I had no idea the word ‘banana’ is so sexy when said in an Australian accent.”
“That blue one, he really looks like he works out. I bet I could Google and find shirtless pictures.”
“I wonder if The Wiggles are just friends who live together or maybe they’re polyamorous? ”
“I wish Anthony Wiggle would come rescue me in his Big Red Car. I bet no one would even notice I’m gone.”
“I love the way he makes fruit salad, and sings about it. You’d never know by those shirtless pix on the Internet that he eats so much fructose. Maybe ‘fruit salad’ is code for something else.”
Talking to other moms, I learned my little fantasy is not so uncommon. Seriously, when you are deep in the trenches of parenthood, sometimes you just have to pick an unlikely object of lust to survive the day.
I did an informal poll and here are the most dateable children’s entertainers, in no particular order. Since these fantasies exist in a delusional world where breast pumps speak (mine used to say “cat nip” in the middle of the night), cartoons are indeed eligible for the list:
- Anthony Field (aka Anthony Wiggle): Who doesn’t adore a man who loves healthy eating, supports gay rights, and can really work a trapeze?
- Rich from the Imagination Movers: Rich’s name came up several times in my research. One mom said, “I met him in person and he’s even hotter and nicer than on TV.” And he plays the drums and does Maroon 5 covers on YouTube.
- Genevieve from Choo Choo Soul: She is a favorite among dads. And really, anyone who can look smokin’ in a horrific conductor uniform is pretty fabulous. Bonus: she likes trains. You know, because men love all thing transportation related, right?
- Twist from the Fresh Beat Band: He’s funny, beatboxes AND dances like a noodle. The possibilities are endless.
- Flynn Rider from Tangled: Never underestimate a man with great knife skills. Not only can he protect you and do emergency surgery in the tower, but he gave Rapunzel a great hair cut with just one swipe of the blade. Winner winner chicken dinner.
Honorable mention goes to Steve from "Blues Clues," Diego of "Go, Diego, Go" (he actually didn’t make the cut because he might be underage) and "Phineas and Ferb’s" mom.
Who is your fav?
Surgery! And I helped!
A big part of what has kept me in TV news for the last dozen or so years is curiosity. Some might call it nosiness, but I prefer to think of it as healthy curiosity and interest in the world. Think about it…the job of a reporter or anchor is to find out stuff, and then tell everyone. Sure, it’s a bit more complicated than that, but that’s the general idea. Good gig, right?
So if you spend more than five minutes with me, there’s a good chance I’ll interrogate you about your job.
“You’re a lunch lady? Here’s what I’m dying to know. Does anyone really like the open-faced pizza burger?”
“Grave digger? Amazing. Tell me what kind of hole you would do for me! How would it affect your vision if I lost 10 pounds?”