Have a seat 🪑

Because we need to talk and I’m not sure how you’re going to take this news.

For me, it’s really, really great. I’m feeling happy and hopeful for the first time in 30 years. So happy, in fact, that I almost added an exclamation point to the end of that sentence before I thought better of it.

While I’m absolutely elated, I’m guessing some of you may be a bit sad or at least disappointed and that’s totally valid.

So let me get to it: Our days are numbered.

I’ve accepted a new position outside of journalism and only have a week left at News 6. I know some of you may be wondering where I’m going but I’m going to keep that private.

For one, my background check isn’t over just yet and I’m worried they’ll find out about that man in Reno. Plus I’m a private person and I’m really looking forward to living a life where I’m not a quasi-public figure for essentially the first time in my adult life.

What this means though is that this is our penultimate edition of Strange Florida together and next Friday will be my last one before I permanently sign off.

Is someone chopping onions in here? My eyes are suddenly watery.

I’ll save the mushy kumbaya stuff for next week. Get the tissues ready.

🐊 Adopt-a-gator

I couldn’t let my journalism career end without getting one last use out of a picture of me with chunky highlights basically Frenching an unrestrained domesticated gator on a four wheeler. That heartbreaker is named Rambo and he actually belongs to a very nice woman in Lakeland. He’s got his own leather jacket and an indoor kiddie pool. Basically, he’s living that sweet, sweet house gator life. While some may dream of adopting a guard gator to patrol their property, it’s really not that easy, especially since predators as chill as Rambo (he didn’t even attempt to bite my face off) only come around once in a lifetime. Gatorland is trying to help Floridians at least feel like they have their own personal pet alligator with its new gator adoption program. No, you don’t get to take the reptile home, feed it, love it and name it George but you do get to name it at least, assuming you win the adoption contest. Here’s how to enter.

⚡ WHOA

I swear, storms roll in fastest when you’re enjoying a nice day at the beach. One minute you’re soaking up the sun — with appropriate SPF on of course — and the next you’re practically peeing your bikini bottoms because the sky turned straight up black and there’s no shelter in sight. Take it from a native Floridian: Always check the forecast and always listen to your friendly neighborhood lifeguard. If they say to get out of the water, you skedaddle your soggy behind back to the shore. A Clearwater police officer captured this shocking photo recently but not before having to warn beachgoers to steer clear of the storm. Lightning struck in the area at least five times, with some of those strikes looking like they came dangerously close to the shore. Luckily no one was injured but the research shows the beach is one of the worst places you can be when the weather turns severe.

🩴 What a flop

I buy quite a few of my clothing items secondhand, no shame. It saves money and it allows me to get hoity-toity brands like Michael Kors and Anthropologie for low, low prices. That being said, I limit my virtual thrifting items solely to articles of clothing, meaning no shoes and no unmentionables for obvious reasons. It just seems weird sticking my foot somewhere where another foot has already been stuck for extended periods of time, especially if it’s flats or heels because you know the previous owner wasn’t wearing socks. I guess flip flops are at least somewhat better in that regard because of their aerated nature but I still bet you can contract some sort of fungus by sharing sandals, so I’d rather not. This woman doesn’t seem to be as particular about her tootsies because she was willing to steal a pair of slides from a stranger at a water park, according to authorities. They were Gucci, so at least she allegedly has good taste. She was determined, too, as deputies say she nearly ran over someone while trying to get off with the stolen Gucci goods. Clearly, her plan didn’t work out. Next time, girl, just buy them on Poshmark.

😎 Florida life

Florida isn’t just a great place to come to die, it’s a great place to come and live, too, if you’re into that sort of thing. The U.S. News & World Report recently dug into the data for some of the biggest metro areas in the country and no surprise, some Florida cities made the list. The gorgeous beach towns, of course, ranked high but there were some upsets in the rankings too if you ask me. Like, how does Ocala rank over Orlando? Can someone who’s lived in both tell me how they compare? The study took into account whether the area has good value, a healthy job market and high quality of life, which is something I know nothing about. See where your city ranked.

🐧 Not again

Ugh. You can’t not love penguins, they’re seriously just so cute. So when something happens to one of these feathery little blobs of joy, it makes my heart hurt. Seven African penguins at The Florida Aquarium mysteriously died in what officials called a tragedy. While the remaining birds are under round-the-clock observation and care to make sure they don’t meet the same fate, we may actually never know what happened to these poor creatures since initial necropsy results were inconclusive. What’s particularly awful is this comes a little more than a month after all 12 stingrays at nearby ZooTampa dropped dead from gas bubble disease. I’m not saying these two cases are related because there’s absolutely no evidence that I’m aware of to suggest that but I do think it is a particularly sad series of events.

🦈 Mega find

My dad used to be a scuba instructor so in our house growing up, we had a bunch of these megalodon teeth, some rusty old cannonballs, a sea turtle skull, a sloth toe, an antique scuba helmet and a bunch of other stuff that now that I’m listing out I realize how strange my childhood was. My point is, finds of this nature always seemed normal and unimpressive because my dad, Jim Cutway the superhero, had already found it all and then some. Apparently, other people who weren’t raised by Florida’s version of Chuck Norris think prehistoric shark teeth the size of my palm are a pretty big deal. And finding one of these megalodon teeth twice in the same spot? That’s even more remarkable. That’s exactly what happened to a man who found a 3-inch megalodon tooth while walking on Fernandina Beach and then three weeks later, after Tropical Storm Elsa swept through the area, he found a 4-inch tooth in the same spot. Talk about luck.

You all gave me such great advice when I turned 30 last month and because of that, I’m opening my inbox once again for anyone who has tips on transitioning into a new career. Send your wisdom my way by emailing acutway@wkmg.com.